My husband and I discussed having children before we decided to get married. We talked about whether we wanted a child, how many children we wanted, and how soon or late in our marriage did we plan to have one. We took the road least traveled by many newlyweds.
Neither one of us wanted a honeymoon baby or a child in within our first year of marriage. However, I didn’t start taking birth control pills until after we were married. I guess you can say I was playing with fire, considering it takes birth control pills about 3 months to be effective. We wanted to have a child within or after 3-5 years of marriage. In the meantime, our plans was to travel, budget and save money. I thought we had the perfect plan to grow as a couple and be prepared by the time we have a baby.
Right off the jump, life threw us many curveballs, and God reminded me “A man’s heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps”, Proverbs 16:9. We can make plans, and we can pray for our choices and decisions but God has the final say on how we get to our final destination.
I struggled a lot with terrible cramps and sharp abdominal pain since my early teenage years. Some people advised me it was normal, while others advised me to see a gynecologist. My pain worsens over the years. My doctor had me on prescription drugs because the typical 200 mg over the counter painkillers did not work for me. I had a tough time believing any pain that had me in a fetal position and in tears every month was normal.
I did blood work, Pap smears, and several other tests. Everything always came back normal. My body was telling me otherwise. I knew something was wrong. I just didn’t know what exactly. Of course, I consulted Dr. google. You can imagine my thoughts once I started reading all sorts of crazy diagnosis that matched my symptoms.
We made an appointment to see my gynecologist so I could start my birth control pills, which I was not too fond of. Once she mentioned it would help relieve my pain, I was on board. She also had us scheduled an ultrasound. While birth control pills work great for some women, it was a nightmare for me. I was in pain, my appetite changed, I was moody and irritable, I had daily migraines, and I no longer had any monthly cycle. The list goes on. I tried different pills and the side effects went from bad to worse. I eventually told my gynecologist I no longer wanted to take them.
Justin and I went in for the Ultra sound results. It turned out all these years I had been suffering from a complex ovarian cyst. How does that manage to stay undetected? She advised me all they could do at this point is monitor it then decides what actions to take. I would either bleed out from it or need surgery to get my ovary removed. What!
I went to the ER several times. They prescribed some pain killers and told me things I already knew. It was frustrating. I started thinking the absolute worse. My gynecologist scheduled a follow-up ultra sound appointment.
I started wondering, God why me? I was consumed by “What if” thoughts. There I was talking birth control pills to not have any kids, for the time being, just to face the reality I may not be able to have any. That was a tragedy for me. One of my biggest fears in life was not being able to have children.
I prayed to God for healing. I told God I refused to see another doctor, I need him to heal me. December 2016, one of the ministers at my church made an altar call for anyone that needed a healing from God. I went to church that night with high expectations. The word he preached spoke to my need at the time. My husband and I held hands and went to the altar. Minister Smith walked over to us to pray with me. She asked me, what did I want God to do for me. I told her what I needed healing for. She touched and agreed with me against the spirit of infirmity that was attacking my body. We prayed for complete healing.
I went home believing I was healed. I made a fleece to God that night and asked him for three specific things. It wasn’t long before it was that time of the month. I felt some pain but I rebuked the pain and remind my body the Lord healed me. The pain I felt stopped instantly. I went day after day, no pain. I was so peaceful and pain-free I forgot what time of the month it was. My husband in disbelief himself and kept asking me if I was okay. As that was unusual for me. The first part of my fleece was answered. I had asked God that the pains would stop completely from the day I was healed going forward. It did. I am pain-free til this day.
December 22, 2016, I went to my OBGYN follow up appointment. They did an ultrasound. My husband and I waited in the gynecologist office for the results. After what seemed like an eternity, she walked in ready to discuss the results. I had no doubt God did what he did but I was super nervous. I had made up in my mind no matter what she told us that day, I will believe and trust God. After a little casual conversation, she reminded us a complex cyst usually bleeds out or must be surgically removed. The damages can leave a woman sterile. She said in this case my complex cyst was completely gone. It was 100 percent gone.
I shouted with joy, thank you, Lord. God did it. I prayed for healing at church and God healed me. My second fleece to God was that he would remove whatever mass or infirmity I had on my ovary and restore me entirely. God did that.
That was just the beginning to an amazing testimony from God I did not deserve. Then there was the third part of my fleece which I said I would share when it happened. I didn’t know when or how but I knew God would finish what he started.
One of the most annoying thing for me as a newlywed was people constantly asking me am I pregnant yet or when are we going to have a baby. I don’t think I’ll ever understand why people think that is an okay thing to do. Pregnancy is so personal but not too many people respect that privacy.
I had gained a little happy weight and different people would just rub my belly and asked me if I was pregnant. It was so embarrassing for me and made me very self-conscious. I knew I had gained some weight but I didn’t realize it was enough to make others assume I was pregnant. Not to mentioned it was now a sensitive subject for me.
I struggled a lot to hold on to God’s promises. My prayers were no longer words, I would simply cry. I was very frustrated. The war was in my mind. I was somewhat angry with God because all I would hear from him was “patient endurance”, let go and trust me. I didn’t understand and I wanted to be in control. Everything seemed to be outside of my control and I had to depend entirely on God. There was not a thing I could do to change anything, except trust God. That was difficult!
It has been a journey of faith. There was a point I truly felt like Job. “What I always feared has happened to me. What I dreaded has come true”, Job 3:25. God told me no, what you feared most is going to be a testimony for my glory. In other words, shut up Tara, shut your emotions up, you don’t know what you are talking about.
I learned to praise God on a promise. I learned to see through the eyes of faith and God’s perspective. My circumstances said no but God said not yet, my timing. I studied every scripture I could on faith and trusting God. We prayed. When I couldn’t pray, I cried and let the word of God minister to my spirit. The book of Hebrews, Job, and Abraham’s story ministered to me in ways they never had before.
Our troubles didn’t disappear. I could see God during the storm, and thank Him for what was already done. His word strengthens me. I could let go of my fears and have faith in God’s promises. No matter what, I knew his timing was perfect.
My friend Marie Houston and I were hanging out, she told me she had a dream to share with me. God showed her something concerning me. She told me God showed her myself and two other ladies that were pregnant around the same time with baby boys. She said I believe what God showed me and you need to believe it too. You guys will have a baby soon.
I love Marie and I trust her. She’s one of my good friends but I laughed. She laughed with me then said Adams, I’m serious. I strongly believe it when God says something, he will confirm it and it will happen. In my mind I thought, she doesn’t know the half of what I have been dealing with. Marie being Marie, never failed to remind me.
May of this year, after a church service, Demi told me by this time next year I’ll be holding baby Adams. Once again, I laughed. I call her Dr, so I said whatever Dr. She told me I should get ready. While I was praying she prayed for me and said God told her Hannah and Abraham’s wife. I was no longer laughing.
I went home and thought about what she told me. Both women experienced the miraculous and had an incredible story of faith (Genesis 18, 1 Samuel 1). I started thinking about what the two women had in common and how that could possibly be me. They were both barren (Sterile, infertile), couldn’t have children and God blessed both with a promised child.
I did not like the sound of that. I thought to myself, so I am barren and God is going to give us a promised child. I didn’t know what else to think. Like Sarah, I laughed when God said I was going to have a child. I decided maybe I should try what Hannah did instead. I prayed and cried to God. I poured out everything I was thinking and feeling. I even repented if I doubted in any way.
About a week later, my husband told me God showed him what he needed to do for me. He said God told him to anoint me and my womb then we’re going to have a baby. I said okay if that’s what God said.
June 7th of this year, I received a message from my friend Jasmine Gilkey. She lives in Kansas and didn’t know anything about what was happening in our lives. She told me the Holy Spirit led her to pray for my baby, that my faith would be strengthened, and that I would be encouraged by the stories of other women in the Bible of his power. She told me she kept praying for my faith to increase regarding me being blessed with a baby. She said she messaged me as soon as she got out of prayer because if that was truly from God she needed to let me know so my faith could be strengthened and know that he heard my plea.
She expressed how shocked she was because she’s all the way in Kansas and God had her praying like that for me. She encouraged me to anoint my belly, pray in faith, and speak life so that the fruit of my womb will be blessed. She reminded me I would have a testimony of faith to share with others. I shared all of this with my husband along the way.
While I struggled, he was always full of faith and hope. On June 18th of this year, Akil Thompson was at my church preaching. It was an on-time word and as usual, I made my way to the altar. It wasn’t concerning any of my problems. I was simply touched by the word and wanted to be at the altar. While I was on my knees praying in the Spirit, Amanda Jordan was next to me and started praying for me. Whenever anyone prays with me at the altar, when I’m able to, I try to quiet myself down to hear what is being prayed over me. If you know anything about being at the altar, you will understand why. She prayed that my womb would be open, and she prayed against any lies and attacks coming against my mind.
I spoke with her after service and she told me God told her to go pray for my womb. She said she went where Justin and I normally sit to find me but I wasn’t there. The Holy Spirit told her to follow him and he will show her where I was. She walked around and when she got to where I was the Holy Ghost said, there she is. She did what God told her and prayed for my womb to be open because he wants to deposit something in there. She said I don’t know what that means to you but pray and ask God.
I knew exactly what it meant. Justin and I went home that night, he anointed me with oil then we prayed. If God didn’t already do enough, my friend Shanette Hyacinthe texted me early June 20th “had a dream you were pregnant with a big baby boy!!”. She texted me at 7:13 AM. I was quite amused and I told God, not another person Lord I have no doubt. While I was laughing, I remembered my conversation with Demi, she laughed and told me I would be pregnant by the end of June.
Justin and I found out we were pregnant at 4 weeks, July 20th. By that time, I had my suspicions but I didn’t want to take the test. The first thing I experienced was a process in early pregnancy called “implantation bleeding”. When that happened I said to myself, oh it’s really happening. It wasn’t long before that was followed with me falling asleep everywhere at random times, I was super tired even when I got adequate sleep, then nausea, and the most obvious my cycle was MIA. Even then, I refused to take the test.
When I finally build up the courage, it was a big fat positive. We conceived in June. My plan was to find out first then surprise Justin. I always imagine how cute and awesome that moment would be. I couldn’t keep my cool, screamed and told him. We were both shock and full of joy.
I went for some alone to cry. Justin found me and said it’s our moment I couldn’t cry alone. My favorite part in all of this and what truly melt my heart was God’s faithfulness. Everything happened as he said it would, in his timing, his way, and his will. I’m thankful because my Lord is faithful. He alone gets all the glory. Perhaps you can relate, maybe not. Your mountain may be different from mine but faith in God alone can move any mountains.